Soul-cleansing trauma trigger


I am done silencing my story...or at least I want to be.   I have spent a lifetime blaming myself for not being able to stand up to abuse I witnessed as a child.  Holding shame over my head for events that I was NOT and should NOT have been responsible for.  

My tears steadily stream down my reddened cheeks.   I try to choke them down, but they insist on making their way out.  Shoot…I need to go to work and I do not want to show up like this.  I do not want to explain what’s going on right now.  

In the past I believe I have used justification of the adults’ behaviors as a way of making sense of what happened.  

The lies I tell myself:

  • I let the abuse happen because I didn’t do anything about it.
  • It’s my fault
  • I should have stood up, spoke up
  • I am weak
  • I deserve to suffer for allowing someone I love to suffer
  • It wasn’t his/her fault they abused/or neglected care.  
  • I can’t be trusted to be there for others, so I should keep my distance.   
My truths:
  • This was NOT my responsibility 
  • This was NOT my fault
  • I did not have the skills to manage this situation
  • I can use this pain for God’s purpose
  • I am so much more than what I’ve been through
  • I have always been enough
  • It is my job to manage my feelings today
  • God was ALWAYS there with everything I need

As I look towards the horizon in the East I see the sun starting to break the darkness of the night with its radiant energy.  While I try to understand how this ball of heat faithfully rises every single day, I simply cannot.  What I do know is that my higher power gives the rise to this sun, reminding me that he is faithful and dependable.  Every. Single. Day.  

This is a truth I can ALWAYS depend on.  

He created my story with a purpose.  

If it wasn’t for this pain, I wouldn’t truly feel the love, grace and power of God in the way I have.  Thanks God.  

Today, I pray that God can continue giving me the courage and confidence to end the silence and share my story so that others can see the marvelous miracles he performs.  

This is not my story for me: this is HIS story for THEM

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