Group triggers

I attended my group meeting Tuesday night and I was SO proud of myself for not only showing up, but being willing to be vulnerable.  I cried while I was sharing, and if I’m being honest,  it wasn’t a choice.  The tears were coming whether I liked it or not.  It was the first time I truly slowed down and let my thoughts settle in what appears to be too long…

After group I was shown acceptance, kindness, and compassion from my group friends and I felt sad, but accepted and loved.  I really feel like I belong here which feels really cool!  

The next day however, I was hit with this surge of insecurity, fear, and anxious abandonment triggers.  As much as I wanted to feel ok…I didn’t.  I used all of my tools…and I still felt heavy.  This led me to feel embarrassed and frustrated.  

This is my life…and I want to decide HOW I feel, yet I just couldn’t snap out of it.  

After talking through some of the possible connections to the abandonment issues I feel, a light came on.  

I am NO longer the little Amanda that isn’t able to meet her own needs.  I am capable today.  Today, I can’t be abandoned because I don’t NEED people to care for me.  Although, I do WANT them to.  And I have many who do.  

I can lay my abandonment issues to rest now, they are no longer useful in my book of life.  

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