Acceptance is key



This morning I received a call from the realtor confirming the closing on the house for next Friday.  After hanging up the phone I immediately felt an intense wave of sadness come over me.  My eyes filled up with tears.  I haven't lived in this house since the first week of September and there are so many reasons this closure is a positive step towards a better future...so why the tears?

I message a few friends about what I'm feeling hoping that sharing it will lessen how I feel.  

What I am noticing:

  • I feel wrong for feeling sad- I am a mere human, beautiful even in moments like these
  • I feel ugly- Sad yes, ugly no
  • I feel weak- Vulnerability is actually the exact opposite of being weak.  It takes strength and courage to be open.  

I am at work, and in the background the movie Frozen is playing.  I hear the part where the dad says "Conceal it, feel it, don't let it show".  This is the typical response I have to hard emotions.  Underneath the feelings there is a fear that I will be judged or unaccepted for my 'feelings' unless they are happy.  Somewhere along my journey I have not only received, but accepted this message as my truth.  I am ready to reaffirm myself that my feelings are just that, and I'm still enough.  

As I look back on my WOTY post on resilience I see two areas I can focus on today to help me cope with what I'm feeling and move forward in a healthier direction.

Attitude-

  • I can remember that this feeling is not permanent, it will pass.  I also remind myself that I don't know what's best. I trust God today. 
  • I choose to shift my thoughts to positive thoughts about how good my today is and how hopeful my future looks.  I'm excited for life and the freedom to explore it!
  • I learned about my true desires with that house purchase, and for that I'm grateful. 

Emotional acceptance-

I don't have to change how I am feeling. 
I remember the AA quote on acceptance and focus on this today. 
If I'm curious, what is this telling me?  

  • Due to a childhood memory of moves that meant saying 'goodbye' to people I cared about, I feel sad and afraid with transitions.  Deep down I feel that this move is saying 'goodbye' to people I care about that don't live with me.  
How can I voice this emotion without needing fixed?  

  • I remember moving away from people that I cared about when I was younger and losing the relationships and connections I cared about, and I feel sad.  

I can accept this.  I can reaffirm myself that I get to create a different story for myself today.  I can stay connected to those I care about as long as they also desire that connection.  

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