Finding freedom


The basic test of freedom is not in what we are free to do, but rather in what we are free not to do. 

As I ponder on what these words mean to me, I initially find it hard to put words to what I feel.  Then, I think about the things that hold me prisoner.  The character defects or human-ness that I seek to be free from.  

I can feel happy.  While I like this feeling, it feels like my natural state that was created within me. 

I can be free from feeling shame.  Now, this feels like true freedom.  Shame is not what I was created to experience, but rather a result of sin entering the world.  

I think about my weekly group meeting I attend, as I introduce myself at the beginning of small group I list the things that I seek God's help in finding freedom from.

  • Shame
  • Insecurity
  • Codependency
  • Trauma
  • Anxiety
When I wake up and I find myself in the grip of one of the above hangups I find that my light is snuffed out.  I merely 'exist', but I struggle to find hope, joy and peace.  I find myself isolating and struggling to find my way.  I feel a void from my higher power, from my purpose.  This is so painful because I know that it's there, but I can't feel it.  In these moments I feel completely alone.  

Are you with me after all?
Then why can't I hear you?

Are you with me through it all?
Then why can't I feel you?

Stay with me, don't let me go.  

Breaking Benjamin
Ashes of Eden


True freedom would be seen in the breaking of these chains that prevent me from finding peace in living my life as I choose.  To me, freedom means living a life that is completely unobstructed.  Being unapologetically me.  Accepting myself as being beautifully broken.  

Today, I see that I am free from making choices that cause further harm to me and pull me away from being my best self.  This is the most precious freedom!   I believe that I find this when I open my heart to my higher power, and seek his grace and love.  

I am worthy of feeling free from my hangups!  



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