Radical acceptance

Radical acceptance is NOT approval, but rather completely and totally accepting with our mind, body and spirit that we cannot currently change the present facts, even if we do not like them.

Dr. Marshall Linehan

I found a great resource on radical acceptance and posted it to the bottom of this blog. I think it’s worth the effort to read.  

In the past 4 years I have dealt with intense emotional pain regarding broken relationships and bullying towards me, which has escalated in the past 6 months.  As I reflect on the hard days, I think about the people who I have leaned on to hold me accountable to my values and character and wipe my tears during some of my hardest moments.  

Today I was triggered by sadness for the reality of the hate and hurt that is spoken/acted towards me.  I mourn the inability of my voice to be heard or my heart to be understood.  I fight off feelings of unworth, fear, sadness, anger, resentment, grief and pity (oh, poor me).  I give myself 10 minutes to feel without judgement, and let the tears cleanse before I turn my “light from red to green.  I can either change my reality or I can change how I see it.  I am not perfect…I step in sh!& all the time, I’m learning how to scrape it off my shoe.”.   (Greenlights by Matthew McConaughey)  

I have learned that by staying stuck in these hard emotions, I allow these cruel people to keep power over me.  Whoa…wait precious girl… they get to own their actions, but not mine, I think.  I will continue doing and being my best self no matter what.  Life is too precious to not appreciate the moments I have.

As much as I wish I wasn’t feeling this pain, without it I wouldn’t’ need’ help from my community of people or my higher power.  I would selfishly feel self-reliant.  I am humbled by my own presence of hurting and my willingness to stay open to different perspectives and experiences.

To those people who are showing up with anger, hate and unkindness to me, if you’re trying to drag me down, you’re going to have to try again.  I will rise above stronger and braver than before.  This little light will keep on shining!  My God makes ALL things beautiful in his time.  I put my faith in knowing my future is in his hands. 

Surprisingly, you ‘unkinds’ are not only reminding me of the person I CHOOSE to be to myself and those around me, but you are strengthening my gratitude for the open heart built into me. Our actions reveal our true character, and what I see in you is not someone I choose to align with.  It can’t feel good to be so cold and cruel.  I lift you up in prayer.  

While my heart breaks for the broken relationships in my life right now, I lean into gratitude for this experience.  This experience is helping me grow into an even more amazing human.  There is purpose to this pain. 

As I hold my head up, I remind myself to self-affirm and show compassion to myself.  I remember how quick I am to forgive and how important fostering healing relationships is to me.  I’m grateful for these values.  I find my worth not in my shortcomings, but in my gifts.  I remember:

• I’m doing the best I can
• I’m allowed to make mistakes, we all do
• I don’t need to earn love or acceptance 
• I release people who are unkind to me, to make room for those who are 

I can handle anything God gives me, 

I just wish he didn’t trust me so much. 

Mother Teresa

In the book Rising Strong by Brene Brown she speaks of the power of forgiveness.  

“If you make a choice to forgive you simply have to hurt.  Forgiveness is so difficult because it involves death and grief.  To be forgiven is to be loved.  We may need to bury our expectations or dreams, relinquish the power that comes with being right, or put to rest the idea that we can do what’s in our hearts and still retain the support and approval of others. Whatever it is, it has to die, it has to be grieved.”  

Brene mentions,  The book of forgiving by archbishop Desmond Tutu and Mpho tutu, and the perspective on forgiveness it offers. 

“The forgiveness practice involves: telling the story, naming the hurt, granting forgiveness, renewing or releasing the relationship.  It is a process that does not exclude hatred or anger.  These emotions are all part of being human.  You should never hate yourself for hating others who do terrible things.  The depth of your love is shown by the extent of your anger.  Each time we are hurt we have the choice to forgive or to seek revenge.  Forgiveness is how we bring peace to ourselves and our world.” 

I accept my present moment and release questioning (it shouldn’t be this way) as I lean towards radical acceptance.  

https://hopeway.org/blog/radical-acceptance