Bouncing back from setbacks

As the weather warms up, my opportunity to get outside opens up.  Today, the weather was beautiful!  Highs in the 70’s, blue skies…and it isn’t bug season yet!  This girl was ready to hit the trail!  As I started hiking I became aware of feelings I was experiencing, and I noticed them roll off.  There is something magical about being in nature.  I felt excited for the upcoming travel and hiking opportunities I have planned.   I felt stressed about how busy the next two weeks are going to be. I felt lonely for the people I love that I’m not feeling connected to in this season.  I had a moment of intense sadness as I realized Allan’s girls didn’t feel I was a safe place to go to when they were hurting.  I feel like I failed to show them how much I care.  My eyes welled up with tears and I felt disappointed with myself. Within minutes of hiking, I felt this peace come over me…It felt like this whole body peace.  I could stay out on thi...

While the idea of going pants-less today was appealing to me, it was discouraged by several in my close circle.  Since I HAVE to wear pants today, I chose to put my brave pants on…and they were useful more than once!   This morning shortly after arriving to work, I found the courage to call my current employer with the intent of sharing my 6 month exit plan, and to gain information on how professional references work.  I have been kicking this conversation down the road for a while now.  Fear of change, and possible failure have been my major hang ups… But today I’m wearing my brave pants…so I called.  Goodbye ‘easy’ way What I wasn’t expecting is that they had a couple options that I may be able to transition into, one of which is an opportunity to bring student nurses onboard to do their clinical rotations with patients.  NO way!!   How cool would that be??!  I love working with students!   A few hours later I was having a conversation with...

  "Every day, make a tiny agreement with yourself and follow through with it" I have this reminder posted on my bathroom mirror and it helps me to focus on the idea that trust starts with me.  If I am unwilling to follow through with my word to myself, how do I expect to excel in this journey of life? When I think of trust I think of trusting outwardly, trusting my family, kids, partner, coworkers...etc. I recently discovered that this is a HUGE area of need in my life.  As I learn to self love, validate and affirm myself, I also see the desire to trust.  I desire to trust that I will be there for ME, no matter what I go through.  I am eager to stop abandoning my desires. As I started to raise my awareness regarding self-trust, it didn't take me long to realize that I could use improvement on my follow through.  For example, today is Sunday.  There is a yoga class at noon I like to go to.   Typically on Sunday when I wake up, I say to myself ...

I am done silencing my story...or at least I want to be.   I have spent a lifetime blaming myself for not being able to stand up to abuse I witnessed as a child.  Holding shame over my head for events that I was NOT and should NOT have been responsible for.   My tears steadily stream down my reddened cheeks.   I try to choke them down, but they insist on making their way out.  Shoot…I need to go to work and I do not want to show up like this.  I do not want to explain what’s going on right now.   In the past I believe I have used justification of the adults’ behaviors as a way of making sense of what happened.   The lies I tell myself: I let the abuse happen because I didn’t do anything about it. It’s my fault I should have stood up, spoke up I am weak I deserve to suffer for allowing someone I love to suffer It wasn’t his/her fault they abused/or neglected care.   I can’t be trusted to be there for others, so I should keep my distance. ...

Some days I’m crabby.  Like, really crabby…embarrassingly so.  Even if everything went my way, I would probably find fault on this kind of day. I noticed upon awaking that I was highly and easily irritated.  Right away, my work day offered lack of routine or a quiet space and I wondered how quickly 8 hours could actually go by.  My buddy was whiny and audibly triggering.   I spent an hour on the phone with the Florida Board of nursing trying to fix my mistake on my application for my Florida license.  I had to listen to their horrific message detailing all of the possible common solutions, with email instructions spelt out letter by letter…I internally begged for elevator music.   I must have pressed “0” for operator 100 times repeatedly trying to shut the message up.  Obviously that didn’t work, or help my mood.  I had to wait the automated message out to make my selection.  Someone designed it this way???!  Evil…but genius.  ...

I think today back on the people in my life who have shown up to teach me through their actions, to NEVER quit...I immediately think of my mom and dad.  Of the many lessons they taught me, there is no doubt that I picked up my fight for life from them.   My dad never quit: Instilling faith that God would see us through If he started it, he finished it Finding ways to use what we had to meet needs Working on the vehicle of transportation until the job was done My mom never quit: Providing home made meals with whatever was available Reminding us of our worth, abilities, and value Working doubles, weekends, holidays...whatever was needed to provide for us Demonstrating forgiveness and unconditional love As I raise my own children, I hope that they too learn the power of never giving up.  Pushing through to the end, just as I learned.   Thanks mom and dad for instilling this spirit of fight into me!

I fall, I break I mess up, I make mistakes But if you can’t take me at my WORST You don’t deserve me At my BEST MGK featuring Kailee Steinfield  I'm angry.  I'm misunderstood.  My voice is silenced.  My sincerity squashed.   You judge me, dehumanize me, see the worst in me, ostracize me, gossip about me.   You say I don't care... Is this who you think I am?  Ok.  This is who I'll be to you then.  Screw it.   I get it though.  There have been chapters in my life that I also have been guilty of some of these same behaviors.   With the utmost compassion, I forgive and release you. If we never speak again, above all, I hope you find forgiveness and let go of any hurt so that your heart may be at peace.   Today, I was walking and listening to the podcast:  On Purpose by Jay Shetty.  Lil Nas X: Overcoming the battle between embracing authenticity and navigating society's expectations.  In...