Bouncing back from setbacks

Radical acceptance is NOT approval, but rather completely and totally accepting with our mind, body and spirit that we cannot currently change the present facts, even if we do not like them. Dr. Marshall Linehan I found a great resource on radical acceptance and posted it to the bottom of this blog. I think it’s worth the effort to read.   In the past 4 years I have dealt with intense emotional pain regarding broken relationships and bullying towards me, which has escalated in the past 6 months.  As I reflect on the hard days, I think about the people who I have leaned on to hold me accountable to my values and character and wipe my tears during some of my hardest moments.   Today I was triggered by sadness for the reality of the hate and hurt that is spoken/acted towards me.  I mourn the inability of my voice to be heard or my heart to be understood.  I fight off feelings of unworth, fear, sadness, anger, resentment, grief and pity (oh, poor me).  I give m...

The basic test of freedom is not in what we are free to do, but rather in what we are free not to do.  As I ponder on what these words mean to me, I initially find it hard to put words to what I feel.  Then, I think about the things that hold me prisoner.  The character defects or human-ness that I seek to be free from.   I can feel happy.  While I like this feeling, it feels like my natural state that was created within me.  I can be free from feeling shame.  Now, this feels like true freedom.  Shame is not what I was created to experience, but rather a result of sin entering the world.   I think about my weekly group meeting I attend, as I introduce myself at the beginning of small group I list the things that I seek God's help in finding freedom from. Shame Insecurity Codependency Trauma Anxiety When I wake up and I find myself in the grip of one of the above hangups I find that my light is snuffed out.  I merely 'exist', bu...

One of  the key components to resilience is using challenges for growth and to make future hardships more manageable.   A s we prepare to close on our Prescott house I thought I'd do some reflection on my takeaways from that adventure. As I look back on the process of selling and relocating I am reminded of the moments of hard work, determination, sacrifices, tears, and funny memories created.   As much as I tend to shy away from change, I am yet to look back on big changes in my life and not feel like I grew from them.  This is one of those moments.  One thing I have learned about myself, is that while a house feels like security to me, I don’t like to feel tied down or financially trapped .  I am a free spirit.  In some way this big and beautiful house spoke to my sense of worth and belonging.  When the reality hit that I no longer had it, I felt my sense of worth as a capable mom and woman get stripped away.  This significantly affect...

It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.  Epictetus- Greek stoic philosopher  It’s true…we don’t have a choice what happens to us in life.  And YES.. bad  stuff will happen.  What is most significant is our behaviors/thoughts and actions.   Who are we when life gets hard? I think back to my fallout at the hospital and how I internalized that as something was wrong with me.  I think about how much energy I invested in worrying, grieving, feeling sorry for myself, feeling unworthy.   This affected my sleep habits, my happiness factor, my focus, my relationship with myself and others too.  I allowed one negative experience to become an even worse outcome.   How different would that experience have felt if I had changed my perspective?   I also think back on the moving out of the Prescott house.  Life definitely threw a curveball here, yet I responded with optimism, resilience and creativity.  I kept...

Today's affirmation I want to focus on is: Be patient, it will all be ok.   One definition for patience is the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset.  I would add to this the concept of patience involving perseverance in the face of delay.  In some areas of my life some might say that I am too patient.  In other areas patience is hard to lean into.  When I think of patience, I would not define it with a time constraint.  Meaning, being patient doesn't mean that I will wait for (this) long and then I'll move onto something else.  I feel like I am patient with a clause.   For instance, when I begin working out more, I have this expectation that I will start to see results within a couple weeks.  This is my idea of being patient with a time constraint.  If two weeks go by and I haven't lost weight or noticed my clothes fitting better, than I stop working out.  Obviously, it...

I sit here this morning with tears streaming from my eyes.  Upon waking, I could immediately tell that I was in a place of 'feeling' today.  Not exactly sure of what I was feeling, but noticing that something was going on inside.  I noted a sense of being unworthy, but why?   As I reflect on my ebbs and flows of life, days like today typically follow days in which my tanks are full of connection, laughter, friendship and fun.   I become curious.  Curious to understand what's going on. There is a strong possibility that I am being trauma triggered today.  As I lean into my past, I realize that deep down I struggle with self worth.  Am I rejecting the gratitude of how many people CHOOSE to show up in my world today because I feel unworthy?  Or, am I afraid of feeling so full of joy with connection for the fear of losing these relationshipsthat I cherish so much.   I find myself wanting to hide from feeling unworthy today.  I try ...

My patient has been given the gift of a make a wish trip to Disney.  Since finding out this news last year, I have been beyond excited for him and his family to embark upon this journey!!  This little guy deserves to have ridiculous amounts of fun!!  He has never been on a vacation before and I can only imagine his little face when he sees the lights and sounds of Disney! As his day nurse,  I have been invited along to help the family, and I’ve gladly accepted.  I want to do everything I can to make this a memorable trip for them and to help relieve the burden of taking a special needs child out of state on vacation.  I have learned that while there I will have my own hotel, rental car, and I will have a meal or two provided by the local chefs each day.  All expenses paid outside of extras that I may desire.  Sounds pretty fabulous, huh?!   However, the closer the date comes, the more I felt myself hesitating to be excited.  Truly e...

This morning I received a call from the realtor confirming the closing on the house for next Friday.  After hanging up the phone I immediately felt an intense wave of sadness come over me.  My eyes filled up with tears.  I haven't lived in this house since the first week of September and there are so many reasons this closure is a positive step towards a better future...so why the tears? I message a few friends about what I'm feeling hoping that sharing it will lessen how I feel.   What I am noticing: I feel wrong for feeling sad- I am a mere human, beautiful even in moments like these I feel ugly- Sad yes, ugly no I feel weak- Vulnerability is actually the exact opposite of being weak.  It takes strength and courage to be open.   I am at work, and in the background the movie Frozen is playing.  I hear the part where the dad says "Conceal it, feel it, don't let it show".  This is the typical response I have to hard emotions.  Undern...

I woke up in the wee hours of the night unable to sleep my mind was so busy with racing thoughts. As I lay there trying to collect my thoughts, I see a message from someone close to me.  Their marriage is in turmoil and they have discovered their spouse has been unfaithful.  My heart sinks for the pain they must be feeling.  I feel so helpless.   For a while I am distracted from my own struggles of feeling left out and disrespected by people closest to me.  I’m surprised how quickly you can feel insignificant to loved ones who once valued your time and energy.  I feel disconnected and this feels sad.   My morning at work was incredibly busy and I found this to be a great distraction.  Today is therapy day, so I am thrilled to be able to take my energy out on the stairs.  I set a new PR today with 10 flights completed.  By the time I was done I was fatigued and sweaty, just the way I like it.  I decide to remember what is on my page ...

I haven’t always been afraid of falling.  There have been years where I embraced learning and growing.   They say “if you’re not failing, you’re not trying hard enough”.   So here I am, working on building my ability to endure setbacks.  To embrace the ups and downs of life with grace and a smile upon my face.  As I think about my greatest holdback, it’s not living a fulfilling life that I’m in love with, and not seeing and appreciating the value and worth that is built inside me.   I try so hard to ‘be enough’, and to feel loved and accepted. I think about what it would feel like to love myself the way I need to, and accept anyone else God puts in my path to add to that feeling.  By the end of the year I hope to have a softer landing when life throws me a curve ball.   I miss the light that resonated so brightly inside of me, and I’m determined to get it back.  I only get 1 shot at this life and I don’t want to miss my chance.   2024- I...

  Resilience   Psychologists define resilience as the process of adapting well in the face of adversity, trauma, tragedy, threats, or significant sources of stress. Resilience involves behaviors, thoughts and beliefs that can be developed in anyone.   The goal of being resilient is to move away from perfectionism.  Hmmmm…I never understood my challenges as a desire to seek perfection, but it makes sense.   Competence in the face of stress Positive outcomes despite high-risk status Adapting to trauma  Using challenges for growth to make future hardships more manageable.   One pneumonic used to strategize resilience is S.A.V.E.S Social connection -isolation is toxic.   Surround myself with resilient role models- (someone who overcomes challenges every day). How can I engage in my community? What is an activity I can do to foster confidence? What hobbies would I like to pursue? Attitude -  Permanent-remember this moment/season will change. ...